Undecided
by shattered-picture-frame
Summary: When Edward won't change Bella, she cheats on him with Jacob. Then, Edward leaves.does she really love Jacob? I CHANGED THE PLOT MWAHAHA. because i didn't want it to be another 'ed leaves, bella gets changed...finds him blah'
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight or New Moon. Stephenie Meyer does.**

"Bella, just drop it! You are not, nor will you ever become a vampire!" I had tried very, very hard not to cry. Crying showed I was weak.

"And why not? Why? Damn it Edward! How long do you think we can do this? Really? How long until you and your family have to move? How long until you forget who I am?" I screamed at him with the tears flowing relentlessly down my flushed cheeks.

"Bella, I won't leave you. I promised you I would never leave you again." His topaz orbs were beseeching for me to see things his way. I was not going to give in.

"I can't stay with you as a human forever." I informed him in an acidic tone. A tortured expression made his face soften.

"Bella…" he pleaded.

"I want to go home."

"Please, try to understand, I love – " I cut him off by opening his bedroom door and storming out. He stood frozen in astonishment.

"Alice can you take me home?" I called to the pixie like vampire from the top of the massive staircase. She was already waiting by the front door with her keys. I wiped my tears away as I stomped down the stairs to add a dramatic ending to my performance.

We got into the Mercedes. It was one of the rare sunny days in Forks and she needed the cover of the dark tinted windows. We didn't speak until we were on the highway. I was angry and needed to vent. "He's not being fair."

"I know." Alice agreed.

I loved Alice. She was the closest thing to a sister I had ever had. She also agreed that I should join her family. Even she was angry at Carlisle, who still hadn't changed me even though I graduated two weeks ago. He favored Edward too much to go against his wishes. And Edward was being more unreasonable than I could've ever imagined. As soon as I had accepted his marriage proposal, he took his offer away. That's what started our fight today.

"Alice, I can't do this anymore." She was silent for a minute, trying to compose a good response.

"Bella, don't give up. Please, it will all work out. You'll see." She flashed me one of her beautiful smiles.

"You don't know that." I muttered sourly. Her smile was replaced by a frown. She must have thought I didn't trust her visions. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just, I don't want to lose him again, and I don't see how we can stay together when he's…and I'm…" my voice was just a whisper now.

"He's wont leave you again, he promised. And Bella, he loves you." Alice reminded me.

"Alice, he may be able to stay with me, but I… I'm not sure how long I can take this." Alice's eyes widen as the idea of me leaving her brother processed in her mind. "I don't want to but I…" I couldn't really put it in words. Frustrated, I let out a deep sigh.

The exit to La Push came into view and I decided then that I wanted to talk to Jacob. No, I _needed_ to talk to Jacob.

"Alice, can you take me to Jacobs?"

"You know I can't go to La Push silly."

"I know, just drop me off as close as you can. I'll walk the rest." I assured her. She took her eyes off the road, eyeing me suspiciously – but she turned at the exit to La Push without questioning me.

I hadn't seen or spoke to Jacob since the motorcycle _incident. _I had been far beyond furious with him, and I could only imagine that he wasn't very pleased with my decision to join his enemies. He had called me dozens of times though, so I probably wasn't mad at me.

I missed Jacob, and right now, I needed him. I needed him to comfort me. I wouldn't be able to say anything about becoming a vampire – he would surely try to talk me out of it, and would be angry when I refused – but his blissful presence was all that would be required. I couldn't think of anything more comforting at this moment than his wide smile, heavy laughter and warm touch.

Alice stopped the car only yards away from the sign that read "Welcome to La Push," in a fading blue.

I opened the door saying "Thanks Alice," as I stepped out.

"See ya later Bells. We should go shopping this weekend." She suggested enthusiastically. I knew she was trying to cheer me up, but I couldn't stop the grimace that my face twisted into. "Or the movies or something." She altered her proposition, finally catching onto my distaste for shopping.

"Yeah, sure, I'll call you." I put on the best smile I could considering my dismal mood, and closed the door. I began walking in the direction of Jacob's house. I heard the Mercedes make a quiet U-turn on the narrow road.

The sun was out, but was occasionally covered by clusters of heavy white clouds. It was warm, but much too muggy for my taste. The wind played with my hair, irritatingly blowing it in my face. I tripped several times, letting out low profanities while I picked myself up.

When I reached his small box-shaped house, I hesitated before knocking. I stood in front of the doorway on the small porch with my hand raised to knock for several minutes. I took a deep breath to build up the courage to knock, and banged my fist gently on the wooden door.

I waited, but no one came. I figured that no one was home – Billy was probably fishing, and Jacob was most likely with the pack. I turned around to walk home when I heard the door creak open. "Bella?"

I turned back to face Jacob whose expression was tender. I hadn't realized how much I had really missed him, but all of a sudden I jumped up into his arms and wrapped my legs around him. "I missed you so much Jake." I whispered in his ear and let his warmth placate me.

"I missed you too Bells." He whispered back. Jacob held onto me for a while before setting me down. I looked up at his face and his nose was wrinkled uncomfortably. "Uhh Bella? Would you mind taking a shower? You smell like _them._"

"Oh, sorry." I mumbled. He opened the door for me and let me in.

"I'll get you a towel." He left me in his tiny kitchen to get me a towel. I hadn't been here in a long time, but everything was still familiar. His house would be permanently engraved in my mind from all the time I had spent here when Edward was gone.

"Here…" he handed me a towel and a pair of his sweatpants and a t-shirts. I rolled my eyes at him and he looked embarrassed for making me do this.

"I'll be in the living room when you're out."

"Okay." And then we parted – he went into the minuscule living room and I headed down the short hallway to the bathroom.

The bathroom was small, and slightly claustrophobic. It held only the necessary – a small bath, toilet (which had the seat up), and a sink with a mirror above it.

I started the shower and allowed it to heat up while I got undressed.

There wasn't any women's shampoo, so I just rinsed my hair in water. The shower was short – the hot water ran out – but it helped me clear my head a little.

When I got out I towel-dried my hair and put on Jacobs huge clothes. I walked into the living room where Jacob was watching television. He was sprawled on the floor and took up nearly the entire room. "Umm, were should I put these?"

"Could you leave them out on the porch?" He asked uninterested. His thoughts seemed to be on something other than the television or myself. I nodded and threw my clothes on a rocking chair that leisured on the diminutive porch.

When I walked back into the living room I laid next to Jacob and he cocked his head and arched a brow. He looked surprised but pleased. I didn't answer his unasked question; I simply placed my head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me comfortingly. He was so warm.

We laid there like that for a while and I didn't think of Edward once. Sometimes, Jacob could be so good for me. Jake still had that same expression he had on earlier – like he was thinking.

"Bella?" Jacob didn't move when he spoke, and neither did I.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you come here today? I mean why did you come here _after_ you where with the… _Cullens_?" Of course he had been thinking about Edward. I should've figured that out hours ago.

"I sorta got in a fight with Edward." I admitted unwillingly. I answered only because I felt obliged to; if I weren't here with Jacob, I would probably be at my house crying.

I heard Jacob snarl. "Why, because the stupid leech won't change you?" he assumed bitterly.

"Jacob, I don't want to talk about it."

I could tell Jacob tried very hard to take the sharpness out of his tone. "Bella, I don't understand. He's never going to change you. And even if he would, why would you _want_ to become one of _them_?" The painful words caused the long-gone hole in my chest to burn at the edges as I realized he was right – Edward might never change me.

"I-it's not like th- " I was stopped short. Jacob had rolled over and was now laying gently on top of me. His dark eyes stared deep into mine. Jacob Black dazzled me.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N: This chapter is very, very, very short. I know. But it needs to be sorry. I'll try and update soon, but I'm also going to try and update my other story, so we'll see what happens.)**

**Disclaimer – I do not own Twilight or New Moon, Stephenie Meyer does.**

Jacob Black dazzled me.

I never imagined that anyone other than Edward could dazzle me, but there was no other way to describe the way that I felt. His eyes continued to search mine for a time, until he leaned in.

"Jake, no –" I rejected his kiss weakly.

He pulled back and stared deep into my eyes again – seeking permission. I tried to make the irresistible swell of lust I felt go away, but then I realized I didn't want it to go away. I wanted to kiss Jacob. He seemed to understand, and he leaned forward again.

I couldn't believe it – but the kiss was amazing. Edward was the only one I had kissed, and the kisses had always been restrained. Neither of us held back in this kiss.

His lips were warm against mine, and a warm kiss was something I hadn't experienced before. This was almost like a new first kiss altogether.

He kept his lips moving against mine, and the kiss got more intense every moment.

I knew this was wrong, and in the back of my mind I felt guilty. But I was too angry at Edward to let guilt get in my way. Edward wasn't going to change me. Every condition he had made, I had accepted, and he still wouldn't make me like him – beautiful, strong, timeless…How could he love me and not want to spend an eternity with me?

Jacob, on the other hand, is loving, and caring, and _wants_ to be with me – and I have him in the palm of my hand. I wasn't going to deny him, or myself.

I turned over ambitiously, so he was now under me. I felt him smile under my lips at my unexpected embrace. I continued to passionately kiss him – from his neck, to under his jaw and then his lips.

We had been kissing for what seemed like hours before I felt him put his balmy hands on my waist begin to work their way up my shirt. I pulled away from our kiss and his hands dropped. "Sorry." he mumbled.

I didn't know what to say, and I was suddenly flooded with guilt. I had just cheated on Edward. _My_ Edward – the one I loved, and wanted to be with forever… and even as I tried to convince myself that he hadn't left me any other options I felt shameful.

That guilt was temporarily distanced as another guilt took over. I had just used Jake. I had led him on, and it was too late to turn back.

The rush of guilt had made me woozy and kind of sick. "I, uhh, I think I should go." I whispered in a low, shaky voice.

"Yeah, probably." He agreed. His tone was doleful – he probably had figured out that I had used him.

"Can you drive me home?" he nodded. "I'm just gunna go change, I ah, don't want Charlie to get the wrong…" I gestured at his clothes which I was wearing and started toward the front door – but not before I saw Jacob's discontent expression. I couldn't imagine how things could possibly get worse.

_Great,_ I thought when I opened the front door. It was pouring out. If it had been anywhere other than Forks, Washington, the rain would be flowing in drops, and falling straight down – but here in Forks, the rain had decided to come down in a slanted sheet of rain. The porch was soaked, and so were my clothes. Of course, things got worse.

I didn't have shoes on so I left them there and headed back inside. When I passed the kitchen I looked at the clock which informed me we _had_ been making out for hours.

I found Jacob staring absently at the blank television screen. He looked so unhappy, and the contrition that crept over me was tangible. "They're soaked." I informed him.

"Oh, okay, you ready to go then?" I nodded, and he got up from the floor. I slipped on my sneakers and followed him out of the house. He grabbed an umbrella on the way out.

We sloshed out to the garage and got in his car. I loved his car, not because it was a 1986 classic Rabbit, but because he made it, and I got to see him make it.

The rain had decreased the temperature substantially, and when I shivered, Jake didn't hesitate to put his arm around me. I smiled inside, relieved to know that all seemed to be forgiven.

We didn't speak on the ride to my house, so I thought instead. I had a lot to think about considering what I had just done, but I decided to think about something more positive. I chose to think about Jacob.

As Jacob had his warm arm around me, I realized I never fully appreciated him. I owed him so much.

Jacob had been the one who had told me about Edward at the beach. He had started it all – and I mean that in a good way.

When Edward left, Jacob put me back together – he was my sun. He had accepted me as I was – broken, damaged goods. And he never pushed me, he understood, and he did whatever it took to make me happy.

He'd saved me when I was drowning at the beach and when Laurent had been about to kill me in the meadow. Even now with Victoria after me. He always protected me. I had never thanked him.

"Jake?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you." He looked over at me with a puzzled expression on his face. "For everything." I clarified. He smiled wide. "I owe you more than my life."

Jacob leaned over and gently kissed my forehead. "You owe me nothing." He mumbled against my skin. He pulled away to focus on the road – it was pouring out and he had no intention of ruining his car in an accident.

We were a few minutes away from my house when I began praying that Charlie wasn't home. There was no way to explain why I was dressed in Jacob's clothes. Although Charlie did seem to approve of Jacob more than Edward, I could see the vein in his head about to explode at the idea of me either cheating on Edward, or doing anything rated above G with anyone period. In this case, both.

As we neared the house I heard a low growl in Jacob's chest. I directed my eyes to my house, and through the rain I saw the only person that my attire would be harder to explain to than Charlie.

Outside my house, that stupid shiny Volvo was parked.

**(A/N: Sorry to all you Jacob Black haters, and Edward Cullen lovers. Personally, I like Edward better too… but Bella has made her decision, if you don't like it… well then read my other story Inevitable.)**


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N: okay, so this is short, but it's really important. If you like this chapter (even though it may be painful) you will really enjoy the next (even though it might be painful too) so read and please, please, please review!!)**

I froze in my seat. I could almost feel the panic rush through me. This was bad. This was really bad.

I couldn't move. I knew that Edward was waiting for me. He probably wanted to apologize, but he would forget all about the apologies as soon as he saw me in Jacobs clothes; as soon as he _smelled_ that Jacob had been all over me.

I began to zone out; everything around me became a blur. I began visualizing in my head different scenarios that might happen. None of them were good.

I'm not exactly sure how long I sat there with terrifying delusions running through my head. In the back of my mind, I was very thankful that Edward couldn't read my thoughts.

Crap. He couldn't read _my_ thoughtsbut he could read Jacobs. And if Jacob was thinking about what had happened earlier, the cat was already out of the bag.

I snapped out of my hallucinations when Jacobs growling got louder. I lifted my head and saw Edward walking towards us. _Just act innocent._ I thought. _Maybe he won't notice._ I knew that the chance of Edward not noticing was about as good as the chance of Edward and Jacob being friends, but a girl can dream, right?

Before Edward had made the complete distance to the car, I looked over at Jacob. I pleaded with my eyes that he wouldn't say – or think – anything about what had happened between us. He seemed hurt at the reminder that we couldn't be together, but he nodded his head slowly.

By the time Edward had reached the car he was soaked from head to toe. He came over to the passengers' side and lightly tapped on the window, his expression apologetic. As I rolled down the window, I heard Jacobs snarling grow louder. Edward pretended that he didn't hear him.

"Bella, I'm really sorry about earlier. Can we –" He stopped apologizing and he suddenly looked livid. His eyes went from topaz, to onyx, and then they went flat black. Oh, no. I thought. Oh, no, no, no, no!

"What the hell are you doing in his clothes?" He shouted at me. I had never seen him this heated before. I didn't even know he could get this mad.

I was so shocked at his outrage that I was speechless for a moment. _Just act innocent_, I reminded myself. "Edward it isn't what you think." My voice came out as a choked whisper, which thankfully made my lie sound more convincing.

"Oh really? Then go ahead and explain." It was more of a command than a suggestion.

I decided that another lie wouldn't pass so easily, so I chose to tell the truth about this. "I went to Jacob's house right after I left yours. The scent was making him… uncomfortable, so I took a shower and changed. I had left my clothes on the porch for Jake, and when I went to get them they were soaked."

Edward still looked wound up, but his eyes were slowly fading back to onyx. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I should have trusted you."

I had never felt so guilty in my life. If you added the guilt I felt after leaving Charlie worried sick to go to Italy, with the guilt I felt for breaking my promise to Charlie about never riding a motorcycle, it would equal about half the guilt I felt right now. Before the guilt became shown on my features – which would only make Edward more suspicious – I pulled myself together a little. "It's okay Edward."

"You deserve so much better than an untrusting –"

"Damn right she does." Jacob – who until now had been silent – cut him off.

"Why don't you shut it _mutt?_" Edward said coldly through clenched teeth.

It seemed like Jacob didn't respond, but all of a sudden Edwards eyes were black again. Jacob must have thought something pretty bad…

"Bella, can we go inside? Your stupid dog friend is annoying me."

I gave both Edward and Jacob a look so fierce that they both looked scared. "Jacob isn't a 'mutt' or a 'stupid dog." I shouted facing a shocked Edward. I heard Jacob snicker from behind me, and turned to face him. "And Edward isn't a 'leech' or a blood-sucker." I hollered at Jacob. I took a second to try and calm myself. "And damn it, if I hear either one of you call each other those names again…" It wasn't like me to scream or shout, but I was under a lot of stress, I guess I just snapped.

An astonished Jacob and Edward muttered "Sorry." in unison. I knew they were apologizing to me, rather than each other, but I suppose that it was the best I was going to get.

A short silence enveloped us, none of us quite sure what to say.

"Bella, would you mind if we went inside now? I'm getting soaked." I looked up at Edward who was now dripping.

"Yeah, sorry." He opened the door for me and I stepped out into the rain. "Bye Jacob." I said while bending down to make my head at the level of the still-rolled-down window.

"Bye Bella." He said grimly. I never failed to absolutely ruin Jacobs day.

Edward waited until Jacob had driven away to pick me up and run into the warmth of my house. I was nervous when he held me so close, that he might smell Jacob on me. Then I remembered how I was wearing Jacob's clothes, which was a good excuse to explain why I smelled like him. Maybe I would get away with this after all.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked as he set me down. "I'm pretty sure I'm capable of walking." I was slightly agitated.

"I don't want you to catch a cold." He said in a loving tone. How can I be annoyed with him when he speaks so sweetly? That's right, I can't.

I looked up at him and saw his nose wrinkled in the same manner that Jacobs had been. I sighed heavily. "I'll go change." I muttered heading up the stairs.

"I'll wait down here Isabella," he cooed teasingly.

"Okay Eddie-poo." I called in a fake mushy voice. I looked back at him to see his lips pressed in a hard line, and his eyes narrowed towards me. I was going to pay for that one.

I managed to walk up the stair without tripping – only a stumble or two. I changed into a t-shirt and threw a sweater over that. I pulled off Jacobs much-too-big-for-me sweat pants, and put on a pair of my own. I brushed my hair hurriedly, in hopes to replace the smell of Jacob with the scent of the strawberry shampoo that had probably been deposited in the bristles from when I brushed my hair after a shower.

When I opened the door, Edward was standing there, his eyes a smoldering gold. I looked up at him, and jumped back a little – I hadn't been expecting anyone to be standing there when I opened the door. He smiled his crooked smile, and when I stood there, mesmerized, he chuckled. I couldn't be sure if he was chuckling because he found it funny that I had been so startled, or because I had just stared at him, open mouthed, for almost a full minute. Whichever it was, I flushed in embarrassment.

"I missed you." he explained, while picking me up in his arms. I prepared myself, knowing that he was about to fly down the stairs, and I was going to be sick if I didn't close my eyes. But he didn't run. He walked down the stairs smoothly, and we held each others gazes the entire time.

I pressed my head against his chest and listened to his even breathing. His head was in my hair, and I was thankful that I had put in the effort to brush it. "Mmhhh," I heard sigh in pleasure while taking in the scent of my hair.

He headed into the living room and placed me lying on my back on the only couch. I went to sit up, but his cool hands grasped my shoulders and gently forced me back down. "What-" I began to ask.

"Shhh." He hushed quietly, his topaz eyes dancing and his musical voice light. He pressed me down onto the couch and gently laid on top of me. I had a brief flashback of Jacob, but pushed it out of my mind… I had better things to think about at the moment.

Edward leaned in, and he gently traced my jaw line with his nose and brushed his lips against my cheek. I wasn't thinking at the time. His sudden intimacy had left me incoherent, and that was bad. I was so stupid. I should tell Edward no, I shouldn't let him kiss me. I may have had a reason for wearing Jacobs clothes, which was a perfect explanation for why I smelled like him, but why would I _taste_ like him? If I let Edward kiss me, I would be caught. But, like I said, I wasn't thinking clearly, and I let him kiss me. And as soon as the kiss started, it ended. Less than second after Edward pressed his lips against mine he was jumping off of me a growling so loud it hurt my ears. He drew his fist back to punch the wall, but stopped himself, and instead turned his fury to me.

"What the hell Bella!" he screamed. I winced, this was the first time I had been afraid of Edward. I was terrified, and could not speak.

"Dammit Bella, what's your explanation for this?! HUH? Did you trip and his lips broke your fall!?" I cringed again, and I waited for the tears to come. They evaded me however, they were probably scared away.

"I-I…" I stammered helplessly.

"You what!" he shouted.

"I'm sorry…" I whispered, the tears now running down my face.

"You're _sorry?_ You cheated on me Bella and all you have to say is you're sorry?!"

"I love you. It didn't… it didn't mean anything Edward. I was just upset. I'm so sorry. Please…" I whispered in muffled breaths from crying.

Edwards anger faded, and now utter sadness and pain were clear on his face. It hurt me that I had hurt him so bad. His eyes were a flaming onyx, that smoldered in a somber way. He fell to the ground and rolled into a ball on the floor. I could here his tearless sobs, which only made me cry harder. I got up from the couch and walked over to Edward and knelt beside him. "Why?" I heard him whisper.

"Because I love you." I knew it sounded completely stupid and unbelievable, but it was the truth. "I cheated on you because I love you. I love you so much, and I didn't think you loved me. I thought that if you loved me you would've changed me by now, so we could spend an eternity together. I felt like my love was unrequited, and it hurt. I let the hurt control me, and that's why I cheated on you. But, Edward, you are the only one I love. I promise you it meant nothing, and if you'll forgive me, I'll never cheat on you again. I'll do anything…"

He didn't answer my explanation. I was about to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shot up from the ground. All the rage reappeared, and his hands were balled into fists. "Don't. Touch. Me." He said each word separately, with a hateful tone, but he did not shout.

"Please Edward…" I was still kneeling on ground, staring at the floor, too ashamed to look at his beautiful and pained face.

Neither of us spoke, at a loss of words, but then Edward regained composure, to my dismay. "When I came back, I told you I wouldn't leave – unless you wanted me to." He paused, and in the momentary silence I was trying to figure out the meaning of his words. "I'll take this as your request. I'm leaving."

**(A/N: yeah, I know, really sad… but I promise the next chapter is going to be really good (but, no promises on whether it's sad or not). So if you want the next chapter to come faster REVIEW!!)**


	4. Always and Forever, Goodbye

**(A/N: okay, so here is the next chapter… brace yourself for sadness)**

"No! Edward! I'm so sorry." I cried after him. But it was pointless, because he had already run out of the house, leaving me in pieces. Though, I couldn't blame him. This was all my fault.

I had taken Edward's place on the floor, curled up into a ball. I was now crying out to Edward, hoping that he would hear me and come back – that he could find some way to forgive me.

I was a sobbing mess, but I didn't care. I didn't care if I ever got up from this place on the floor again if I couldn't be with Edward.

What was I thinking? Why did I cheat on him, _why?_ Damn it Bella, you just screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to you. And that's when it hit me. I was losing the best thing that had ever happened to me and I wasn't doing anything to stop it. _Pick yourself up _I ordered myself. I stood up and fought away the tears. I slipped on my shoes and a jacket, and grabbed the keys to my truck. There was no way in hell I was giving up Edward without a fight.

I knew it was stupid of me to drive in the state I was in – it was completely reckless – but what other option did I have? None. There wasn't any other option. I had to get Edward back no matter how reckless it was.

I drove as fast as my senior car would allow. I was actually probably pushing it a little too far – the engine was groaning in protest to my speed. But I ignored the deafening sounds my car made, and focused on how I was going to get Edward back.

It was going to be hard. Edward was stubborn, and what I had done was unforgivable.

When I reached the woods and the unpaved road that lead to the Cullen's house, I still hadn't come up with a solution. I guess I would have to hope that it would turn out for the best.

I reached the house and parked the car. I sat there for a moment and wiped away all evidence of the tears I had cried. I took a few seconds to pull myself together and then stepped out of my truck.

I closed the door behind me and the turned to see Rosalie staring at me with more hatred than ever. I was actually scared of her.

"Leave, you bitch." She said venomously. And as much as I hated her – and wanted to kill her for saying that to me – I deserved it.

"I-I, I just want to talk to Edward." I whispered. She was in my face in less time than humanly possible.

"I really don't think he wants to talk to you, you little –" I knew where she was going, but she was interrupted by Alice.

"Rosalie back off." Alice warned. Alice had always been a great friend. I was glad to know that she didn't seem to hate me because of the current situation.

Alice came up to me and gave me a giant bear hug. She noticed me gasping for breath and let me go. "So-" she began to apologize.

"No, thanks, for Rose." She didn't respond, instead she grabbed my hand and began to lead me to the house. My stomach was turning with the nervousness and guilt I felt. We walked up the stairs and I stopped at the doorway reluctantly.

"It's okay." She said in a reassuring tone. I took in a deep breath and Alice opened the door. I stepped in. The entire family was bustling around the house – packing. I stared in horror, was I already too late?

Everyone stopped packing when they became aware of my presence. They all gathered in the living room, and Alice forced me to join them. Everyone was there except for Edward.

Rose was still glaring at me with hatred. Emmett had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and he looked the complete opposite of his usual cheerful state. Jasper and Esme looked disappointed. I can't really explain what Carlisle looked like. He seemed to have all of his families emotions – anger, sadness and disappointment.

My knees began to feel weak from the shame I felt, so Alice guided me to the only open seat. When I was seated, there was an unnerving silence that no one seemed to know how to end. I decided that this was entirely my fault, and it was entirely my responsibility to fix it. "Where's Edward?" I whispered, not able to find my voice.

"What's it to you?" Rosalie hissed.

"Rosalie, we'll have none of that." Carlisle said in a demanding tone. I hadn't heard his voice this thick with authority since the incident with James. "Edward isn't here."

"Where is he?" I asked. I had already assumed he wasn't home, so when I had asked where he was, I had meant more specifically.

"We don't know. He came here, and told us what you did. He told us he was leaving with or without us and then left." Esme explained.

I doubled over in pain. The whole in my chest that had been closed for so long ripped open. I clutched my chest trying to fight the pain. "Bella, what's wrong?" Alice asked worriedly. I forced myself to sit up and tried to erase the agony from my face. It was senseless however, because Jasper was still in a crumpled ball of pain.

"Make – it –stop" he whimpered. I focused on pushing the pain away for Jasper's sake. He finally sat up, the pain slowly fading from his features.

"Sorry." I muttered, ashamed. All I can seem to do is hurt this family.

The other members of the family looked confused, but I didn't want to tell them about the hole. I hadn't even wanted to tell Edward about the hole, I just hoped Jasper wouldn't tell.

"Can we speak to Bella in private?" Carlisle asked. It was more of a command than a question. Everyone filtered out of the room with the exception of Carlisle, Esme, and myself. I didn't see the relevance – the entire family could hear our conversation. Then I thought back to how Rosalie had interrupted and figured that was probably the reason why.

"Bella, Edward wishes to leave –" Carlisle began.

"No." Was all I responded with – but I said it with finality and determination. I hoped it would be enough.

"Bella, Edwards already made his decision. And so have we." Esme spoke this time.

"No." I said again, but my voice was weaker. I could feel the defeat beginning to take its place.

"We will be leaving tomorrow." Carlisle spoke with the finality that I had lost.

I started crying. Not hysterically, but I cried. Carlisle and Esme left, and Alice came in. Alice held me in her arms and rocked me back in forth. "It's going to be okay." she cooed. I saw Jasper leave out of the corner of my eye, overwhelmed by my emotions again.

I eventually stopped my crying, not because I wanted to, but because the tears stopped coming from my eyes. I had cried myself dry.

When Alice was sure that I was done crying, she made me sit up. "I, I can't live without you guys. You know what happened last time."

"Bella, I'm still going to come and visit. It won't be like last time." She promised me, but I didn't get any resolution from her words. She said that she would visit, but what about the rest of her family. Would Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme visit me? (Rosalie I could do without). And even if they did, I knew the one person that I really did want to visit me would not.

We were silent again. Alice stood up and I saw her dig in her pocket for something. She pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. "Edward asked me to give this to you." She handed me the piece of paper and I took it with shaky hands. It was a letter from Edward, written in his beautiful script.

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**I think that it's best for the both of us that I move. Perhaps no more heart will break – beating or not. I think I understand why you did what you did; but whether there is a valid reason or not, I'm not sure I can bring myself to forgive you. No matter what has happened, or what will happen, I will always love you my dear. Please stay safe, for me. **_

_**Love you always and forever,**_

_**Edward.**_

I read the note three or four times before I stood up and walked out of the house. I was about to break down – again – and was tired of crying in front of the people who were leaving me.

_So this is it._ I thought to myself when I had made my way into my truck. I hadn't pulled away yet, because I knew that it might be the last time I saw the beautiful house with the people I loved inhabiting it.

I put my head on the driving wheel and my tears returned. I cried silently. I jumped in my seat when a cool hand wiped a tear from my face. "Don't cry Bella."

I looked over and saw Edward sitting in the seat behind me. This was my only chance to get him back, and I would do whatever it takes.

"Don't go! Please, don't go." I begged.

"My decision is made, but I meant everything I said on that letter. I love you." He leaned in and kissed me. And then he left in a quick blur.

I sat in my seat, not having moved an inch from the position I had been in when he had kissed me. The numbness had begun to creep up on me, and I welcomed it. "Bella." I finally moved from my position to see who had just approached me. It was Carlisle. "Bella, I think you should go home before your father worries."

I put the keys into the ignition and pulled away without saying a word. I arrived at my house and saw – to my relief – that Charlie wasn't home yet. I knew that he would recognize my zombie-like state instantly, and there would be no end to his worries and questions. Right now I either needed be with Edward, or needed to be alone.

When I parked outside my house I began to panic. Was this going to be like last time? Was he going to take away all of his pictures, and music, and any proof he had ever existed?

I rushed into the house and up the stairs, almost seriously injuring myself, but I was too numb to care. I ran to my small bookcase and pulled out my scrap book. I flipped through the pages and relaxed when I saw all of his photographs still in place. And even though I was relieved to still have my memories, the memories would never be enough. I knew that there was no way I could stop Edward from leaving. I whipped out my diary from my closet exhausted. I didn't get to read a single page though. I fell asleep on my wooden floor whimpering as the hole nearly tore me apart.

**(A/N: Okay, so there you go. So sorry about the sadness, but if you want the adventure and happy stuff to come quicker… then please review. Reviews make me happy :-) No reviews make me sad :-( So please review!!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**(Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does)**

**(A/N: super duper short. But, I wanted to end with a cliffie. But don't worry, I'll probably update faster because it was so short)**

I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed. I wasn't sure if I would ever wake up, and I didn't want to, even though these dreams in reality were excruciating nightmares. But each nightmare had Edward in it, and though they hurt, Edwards presence made me list them in the category of dreams.

I woke up under my covers on my bed, and knew I hadn't brought myself there. I also knew that Charlie wouldn't have been able to carry me into bed. It had to have been Edward.

I looked over at my night stand to see what time it was. Beside my alarm clock there was a golden rose. Literally. It was a rose coated in gold.

I rose from my bed and walked over to my nightstand. Beside the rose was another note. I didn't really want to read it. I was sure it would just bring back the hurt. I wasn't sure if this long goodbye was any better than a "clean break." I read the note despite myself.

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**Last night I watched you sleep. I shouldn't have watched you sleep, I'm sorry. But I guess old habits die hard. Don't worry, I won't do it again… I know you are no longer mine. Please try and live a happy life.**_

_**Yours, until the day I die,**_

_**Edward**_

As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn't fight back the happiness I felt. If Edward had watched me last night, maybe he would come back tonight. If he came, there was no chance I was going to let him get away from me again.

I let the hope get the best of me, which I suppose was a good thing. Charlie had decided not to go fishing today, so I had to act like nothing was wrong. That was a lot easier when I wasn't in a tangible state of depression.

I stayed in my room for the most part. There was no reason to risk being around Charlie if the pain decided to make a visit.

At dinner he didn't mention anything about the Cullen's leaving. They must have left without goodbyes to anyone – Carlisle must not have even told the hospital.

After dinner I went up to my bed and began reading the diary that was on the floor where I had left it last night. Renee had bought for me when I was maybe nine or ten. It was hidden deep in my closet – a place I knew Edward would never go. I made sure he would never find it, because the everything I wrote centered around him. I don't ever remember writing in until I moved to Forks. Until I met Edward.

I flipped through the page and read its contents. I laughed, and let a few silent tears roll down my face.

I went to my desk and found a pen. I sat on my bed with my legs crossed. I sat there for a moment, not sure what to write. I put the pen down. I decided I wasn't going to write anything until I worked this out. And I was either going to work this out, or I was going to die. I couldn't be sure of what was going to happen, but of that I was sure.

I decided to hit the sack. The sooner I went to sleep, the sooner Edward would come. I wasn't actually going to sleep, I knew myself better than that. I'm a heavy sleeper and if I drifted to sleep I wouldn't wake up.

So after I showered and said goodnight to Charlie I headed to bed. I just laid there. I had to keep my eyes close, to make my fake slumber more convincing. I was so worked up that I didn't have to make any effort to fight away the sleep, even with my eyes closed.

I had nothing better to do than think. I refused to think of Edward, not until I got him back. And Jacob would be just as bad…

Wait. Did Jacob know the Cullen's had left? Why wasn't he and the pack throwing a huge celebration like they did last time?

I pondered this over as I waited for Edward, my hope never fading.

I waited, and started to try and count the seconds, the minutes, the hours, in my head. When I was sure hours had passed I decided that maybe Edward was already here. Maybe he had snuck in quietly without my knowing. It was possible, with him being so graceful and sneaky. I decided to open my eyes and check. Either he wasn't here, or he was. If he wasn't, then opening my eyes for a brief second wouldn't do any harm. And if he was, then I needed to open my eyes sometime.

I pretended to turn in an act of sleepiness, so that I was now facing my rocking chair, which is where I assumed he would be sitting.

I opened my eyes. There was no one sitting in my rocking chair, but instead someone stood in front of my window. Someone with fiery red hair and a malicious smile on her face.

**(A/N: okay, so I know short, but if you want me to write faster, you know what you got to do. REVIEW. And also tell me if you would like me to write in Edward's POV!!)**


	6. A werewolf, vampire & human

**(Disclaimer – I don't own Twilight, New Moon, or any of its characters. Stephenie Meyer does.)**

**(A/N: READ AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!!)**

Victoria stood in front of my window, her fiery hair waving in the slight breeze coming from my open window. She was smiling wickedly, and I was sure she could hear that my heart was about to pound out of my chest.

"Well, well Bella. Looks like your precious Cullen's aren't here to save you now." She began to make her way over to me, walking in a feline way. "The good news is, I'm not going to kill you."

_Wait, what? Wasn't my death the pinnacle of her existence?_ "You aren't?" I asked, my fear replaced with utter confusion for the moment.

"No Bella, I'm not. I'm going to change you." She spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, as if she thought it was obvious.

I could feel my anxiety rise. I was afraid and excited all at the same time. I was afraid of the fact that I knew she wasn't going to make this easy – there would surely be some sort of torture involved beforehand. I was afraid because I knew the pain that came during a vampire transformation – I had experienced it before. But I was also excited. I would become a vampire. Becoming a vampire was the second thing I wanted most in the world, Edward of course being the first. I was excited because I already had a plan developing in the back of my mind.

Before I could get too far ahead of myself, and before Victoria could take another step, I heard a snarl. "Like hell you will."

I looked back to the open window to see Jacob jump swiftly into my room. Victoria matched his snarl.

"Mutt." She growled.

"Leech." He retorted. Victoria was mid-step into lunging at him.

"No!" I shouted in my loudest whisper. They both turned their heads, looking over in my direction. They both seemed to have forgotten my presence.

Victoria snickered. "Why should I?" she scoffed. I looked at Jacob, who was still in his human-form. I could hear Charlie's faint snoring from his room. I decided that if I told her that it wasn't fair to fight Jacob in his human-state, that wouldn't do much good, so I resolved to my dad as an excuse.

"My dad is in the other room. I think a vampire and werewolf fighting in my room might be a little hard to explain."

She rolled her eyes in aggravation, but knew I was right. Before I knew it, she was diving out of my window, and I knew Jacob would follow. Before he leapt out he said "Bella, I'll come back later tonight. There is a lot we need to talk about." Before I could muster up a response, he was out the window.

I sat up in my bed staring out the window in shock. It had barely even been a day since the Cullen's left and I was already in danger. _What is wrong with me?_

Well at least now I know why Jacob and the pack weren't down at the beach partying. They had probably been chasing Victoria through the woods all night. All for me.

I couldn't help but feel guilty now. I was constantly ruining people's lives and putting the ones I love in danger. Charlie was in danger by just living in the same house as me. Jacob and the pack were fighting a psychopathic and dangerous vampire for my well being. I broke Jacob and Edward's heart. Might as well through Eric, Tyler and Mike onto the "broken hearts" list. I was beginning to think that my bad luck was rubbing off on other people.

After a while of sulking in guilt, I was suddenly in fear. I feared not only for my own life, but for Jacob. Would he be okay? I couldn't bear it if he got hurt because of me – again.

The minutes seemed to pass as hours as I waited for Jacob. Time might have even been slower than it was when I was waiting for Edward. And the more time that passed, the more worried I got. Just as I was sure I would go into shock from all of the panic, I saw a large dark figure in my room. I opened my mouth to scream – still worked up from the events from earlier tonight – when I remembered that Jacob said he would be coming.

"Jacob." I sighed in relief instead of screaming.

"Yeah. Calm down." He said in his thick, husky voice. He made his way over to my bed. I welcomed him cheerfully to lie next to me. I hadn't closed the window when he and Victoria had left, so I was absolutely freezing. Thankfully, Jacob spoke, distracting me from the eerie awkwardness.

"The Cullen's left." He said it as if I didn't know. The words tore me apart. Thinking about it hadn't hurt – yet. I had been hopeful all day, so the gravity of it hadn't settled enough to be painful. I also hadn't heard anyone else say it yet, I had only been hearing the words in my head. Now as Jacob spoke the words the hole in my chest threatened to shred me to pieces.

"Yeah." I muttered in pain, while gripping my chest as tight as I could manage laying down.

"He found out, huh?" It was hardly a question.

"Yeah." I muttered again. It surprised me that Jacob didn't seem angry as he said this. The first time Edward had left me, he was ready to kill him. Now, Jacob seemed almost _pleased._ What he said next was a complete and total surprise. A complete and total unpleasant surprise.

"Bella, I think you should come and live with me." So this is why he seemed pleased, he was going to try and make a move on me. What was he thinking!? The love of my life just left me, and he's asking me to move in! What the hell is wrong with him?

"Just until Victoria's taken care of. I think it would be safest, now that the leech's aren't protecting you." He must be absolutely crazy. Yeah, that has to be it, he's crazy. He asks me to move in after my heart is torn into pieces, and then insults the ones I love. Crazy is the only logical explanation.

I was about to tell him how crazy I thought he was when I realized that he was almost certainly doing this in my best interest. He was probably correct when he said I was safest with him for the time being. However, I didn't want to stay with Jacob. The plan I had been forming in the back of my head wouldn't be able to work if I had werewolves babysitting me. I didn't want to offend the one who had just saved my life (though I would've preferred that he hadn't) so I made up an excuse. "Umm, I don't think Charlie would be too keen on that." It was the truth at least.

"I can take care of that." Jacob said confidently. Ever since he had become a werewolf his male ego had grown drastically.

"Jacob, I'll be fine." I insisted.

"Bella, you aren't capable of taking care of yourself." He mocked.

"Leave." I was through trying to be nice to him just because he had saved my life. I was tired of feeling so insignificant – first around Edward, and now Jacob too! No, I wasn't going to let that slide by.

"Sor-"

I cut him off. "Leave." I demanded again.

"Bella, I'm sorry. Please don't get mad. I really think we still need to talk."

"About what exactly?" I let my curiosity get the best of me, so I found myself asking a question rather than ordering him away again.

"About us."

**(A/N: okay, so it's short, but that's because I had to go to bed, and wanted to get this up for you guys – so if it's bad or there are a lot of grammar/spelling mistakes, that's why. OH AND, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE PLAN IS IN THE BACK OF BELLA'S MIND?? OOO… LOVE TO HEAR GUESSES. **

**PLEASE REVIEW. I FINALLY MADE 50, SO NOW LETS SHOOT FOR 100!!)**


	7. chapter 7

**(Disclaimer – I don't own twilight, new moon, or any of their characters. Stephenie Meyer does)**

**(A/N: so this is Edward's point of view of the whole situation. **

**Btw – I'll be able to update more. I know I've said that once before, but now I mean it. I hadn't been able to because I was sick, had an algebra final, a world history project, and a science project. But now, all of that has been taken care of. YAY!!)**

**EDWARDS POV**

I kissed her, and the world stopped. My unbeating heart wrenched in pain. The pain subsided and fury took its place. I pulled away from the kiss. The kiss that tasted like Jacob. The filthy mutt. I jumped off of her in disgust and rage. I curled my hand into a fist and brought my arm back to hit the wall. I stopped myself, only because I knew that a whole in the wall would be hard to explain to Charlie.

"What the hell Bella!" I shouted, turning back to face her. I saw her twitch in fright, but I couldn't care less. She proved that she didn't care about me, and there was no way in hell I was going to act like I cared about her.

"Dammit Bella, what's your explanation for this?! HUH? Did you fall and his lips broke your fall?" I saw her shudder again, the fear plain in her eyes. I looked away before the sadness in her big brown eyes could convince me to forgive her. Her sad eyes didn't cry though, and for that I was grateful. I knew that I wouldn't have been able to help but forgive her if she cried.

"I-I." She tried to speak, but it came out as a stammering mess.

"You what?!" I demanded. I hated yelling at her. I almost never raised my voice at her, and it was painful to see how much my words were hurting her.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered, but the words were loud and clear to me. I looked away as the tears pooled in her eyes and began to make their way down her face.

"You're _sorry_? You cheated on me Bella and all you have to say is you're sorry?!" Her apologies meant nothing to me. Nothing meant anything anymore. Not after what she had done.

"I love you. It didn't… it didn't mean anything Edward. I was just upset. I'm so sorry. Please…"

As she pleaded with me, the pain became unbearable. I fell to the ground and rolled up into a ball .Bella knelt beside me. Her words hit me – hard. She was upset because I said I wouldn't change her. Was this all my fault? I needed to know if this was my fault. "Why?" I was crying tearlessly, and my words were almost silent. I didn't think she would hear me.

"Because I love you." She paused, seeming to take some time to think through her reason. "I cheated on you because I love you. I love you so much, and I didn't think you loved me. I thought that if you loved me you would've changed me by now, so we could spend an eternity together." What was she thinking? How could she not see how much I loved her? Didn't she know the reason I wouldn't change her is because I loved her so much? "I felt like my love was unrequited, and it hurt. I let the hurt control me, and that's why I cheated on you." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me. "But, Edward, you are the only one I love. I promise you it meant nothing, and if you'll forgive me, I'll never cheat on you again. I'll do anything…" I didn't believe her, not a single word. I was the only one who had ever loved in this relationship, it was crystal clear. The realization hurt, like a knife was piercing my dead heart.

I felt that she was about to put her hand on my shoulder. I jumped up from my fetal position. The last thing in the world I wanted right now was for her to touch me. "Don't. Touch. Me." I demanded, the anger coming back. I wanted to hate her, and I tried as hard as I could to convey the false hatred. I knew I could never hate her, but she needed to think I did, she needed to know how much she hurt me, and how much she needed to stay away from me. I didn't want to forgive her – not now, not ever – so I tried to make her and myself believe that I hated her. Maybe it would make all of this easier if I hated her.

"Please, Edward…" she begged. I fought the urge to break down again. We were both silent, neither of us knowing what was to come.

In the silence I figured out what I had to do, it was the only solution. "When I came back, I told you I wouldn't leave – unless you wanted me to." I paused, not sure how to continue. I composed myself. "I'll take this as your request. I'm leaving."

I could hear her heart beat falter, but I ran out of the house before she could say anything that would make me change my mind. As I jumped into my Volvo I could hear her calling out to me, begging me to stay. I needed to get away from her, so I drove faster than ever to my house.

I ran into the house, slamming the door behind me. Esme came running down the stairs. "Edward Cullen what do you think –" She began to chastise me, but her angered expression quickly turned into a worried one. "Edward honey, what's wrong?"

"I'm leaving."

By the time I had declared this, the rest of the family had gathered around us. I could hear all of their thoughts. Esme's were worried. _What happened? Why does he want to leave? What about Bella?_ The rest of my family's thoughts were just as curious and concerned.

I didn't feel like telling them, so I did my best to avoid it. "I'm leaving; whether you come or not."

"Edward. What is going on?" Carlisle demanded. I really didn't want to talk about it, it hurt too much. But Carlisle is the one person I would listen to, no matter what.

"Come on sweetie. Let's go into the living room." Esme suggested in a nurturing tone, and lead the way into the living room. I sat alone.

"Bella cheated on me." I said bluntly.

"What?" Alice choked out. Her eyes were wide with shock and disbelief.

"With the mutt." I informed them, grinding my teeth. At first there was a silence, with a tangible state of awe.

"No. She wouldn't." Alice spoke again, speaking more to herself than to the rest of us. "I don't believe it."

"Well believe it, cause it's the truth." I said sharply. There was complete silence, which is something that I hadn't heard in about ninety years. If it's quiet inside, my sensitive ears had always picked up some stray sound from outside – but not now. Now there wasn't a sound to be heard, and it was an odd sensation. It was a sound of finality.

"We'll leave tomorrow." My dad announced. I would have given him a thankful glance, but I couldn't muster up anything other than a solemn frown.

"Where will we go?" Esme asked, her face looking the saddest amongst us. I ran upstairs and into Carlisle's office before he could answer her. I dug through different desks and draws in his office until I had one of his many expensive pens and a piece of paper.

_**Dear Bella,**_ I began. I sat for a while, staring at those two words, and not sure what should follow them. I thought long and hard, and continued. Each word and sentence seemed to have its own meaning and importance.

_**I think that it's best for the both of us that I move. Perhaps no more heart will break – beating or not. I think I understand why you did what you did; but whether there is a valid reason or not, I'm not sure I can bring myself to forgive you. No matter what has happened, or what will happen, I will always love you my dear. Please stay safe, for me. **_

_**Love you always and forever,**_

_**Edward.**_

I read it over and over again, getting more frustrated each time. The words didn't seem to sum up everything I wanted them to – how much I loved her, that I didn't hate her, that I was sorry about everything I was doing, but that it was necessary. I crumpled it up and tossed it into Carlisle's small trash can. I crossed my arms on the table and buried my head in them. I did nothing but lie there. I didn't think about anything, and I didn't let what my family was thinking seep into my mind. I needed to be alone, I decided. I walked over to the tiny waste basket, which was full primarily of crumpled papers, mine being the newest addition. I spotted my letter and picked it up.

I ran to Alice's room, where I knew she would be packing. "Come in Edward." she called before I had knocked. I entered the room to see that it was already half packed. I blocked her mind, which I was sure would be full of sympathetic thoughts. She noticed that I was avoiding her thoughts and looked at me in disapproval. She voiced her thoughts. "Edward, I'm so sorry." Her tone was soft and sad. She held up her arms, but I shook my head slowly. I couldn't touch anyone right now. Right now, I really needed to be alone.

"If you see Bella, will you give her this?" I handed her the letter. She looked down at the crumpled-up ball of paper and nodded her head. "I'll be back soon, I just need to clear my head." She nodded again, and I flew down the stairs and out the door without so much as a goodbye to the rest of my family.

I didn't know where I would go. Most of the places that would usually bring me comfort would now bring me nothing but despair. I wished now that I could go home, in Chicago. I hadn't been there once since I became a vampire, the thought was almost unbearable – both of my parents dead. But now, I was longing for content. I was sure that seeing my old house in the busy city of Chicago would ease my pain. I almost brought myself to go to the airport, but I knew that if I flew to Chicago, when I came back my family would either be gone, or be worried sick, wondering where I was and if I was okay.

But as I approached the dark and secretive forests I heard Bella crying inside of my house. I turned into the forests and watched my house through the protection of the trees. I heard her crying. With each tear that caressed down her face my dead heart tore a fraction more. I heard her jagged breaths and listened to her as she tried to convince my family to stay. I heard her as she unfolded my letter and walk out of my house.

She walked to her truck and I heard the rusty door slam closed. I saw her put her head on the steering wheel. I couldn't see her cry though, her thick brown hair fell on both sides of her face. But I could hear her crying what she thought was silently. I couldn't leave her like this. Nothing so beautiful, so innocent and brave, should be left crying like this. And rather foolishly I ran to the truck and sat in the passenger's seat beside my angel.

I lifted my hand unthinkingly to wipe a tear off of her cheek. "Don't cry Bella." I said softly. I can't watch her cry any longer. She's far too beautiful when she crying, and seeing her like this isn't helping me to follow through with my decision.

She turned her head to me and I saw her chocolaty eyes glimmer with hope and despair. "Don't go! Please, don't go." She cried. And for the smallest second I was sure I would tell her I was staying. But rationality kicked in before I could get ahead of myself.

"My decision is made, but I meant everything I said in that letter. I love you." And then, before my senses could tell me better, I kissed her. I forced myself to get of the car before I got carried away again.

Unsure of everything, I ran through the dense forests of Forks until I was tired and far from anything other than the trees, the stars and the moon. I laid down on my back, and allowed myself to fall to pieces.

I wished I could cry. I wanted warm comforting tears in my eyes and to run down my face. But I couldn't so I just cried tearlessly, staring into the sky, trying to find answers.

How could she do this to me? How many times had she told me she loved me? More times than I can count, and each time she said "I love you," it sent butterflies through me. A new sensation coursed through my body, and I felt as if it was possible that I had a soul after all.

Now, I was never more convinced that I was soulless. How could I have been so naïve as to think that she loved me? She could never love me, I'm a monster. I had never been anything other than a hazard to her. She's so delicate, I was so foolish. Maybe it's best that all this is happening. Maybe it's best that we're not together.

I thought this through. I thought about all the pain and suffering I had caused her. All the disappointment and depression. So much heartache that could have been avoided. Bella didn't deserve to have to put up with me – me who was from the fiery pits of hell. But even as I thought these thoughts, and knew that each and every one of them was true, I couldn't find myself to regret it. I don't – and never will – regret that she chose to stay with me for so long. I'm thankful. Bella brought back something in me – something I hadn't even realized I had lost. I didn't want this to end – I didn't want all of the love and happiness to go away – but it has to. Bella and I, we're like twilight. _Twilight again. Another ending. No matter how perfect the day is, it always has to end._ I remember how I had told Bella that at the Prom. And now, I realized that this has to end too, no matter how much I want it to last forever.

My decision was made, but there was one last thing I needed to do before I left. I had to see Bella one last time. Her most peaceful time – when she's sleeping.

I ran out of the forests and headed for Bella's house. Every movement hurt, like my body didn't want me to move. Like my body knew I was going to Bella's house to say a silent goodbye, and my body didn't wouldn't allow me to go. I fought back the aching. My mind was made up, I was just going to have to deal with the pain.

As I approached Bella's house I came to a dead stop. I turned quickly and ran back to my house. I searched through my closet. None of my family bothered me, they just continued packing. I found what I was looking for. It was a golden rose. I had bought it a couple weeks ago – I was going to give it to Bella if I had decided to change her. I couldn't think of anything more perfect to give to Bella. The rose was delicate, yet timeless because of its gold layer – it was exactly what Bella is to me.

I grabbed the rose and ran to Bella's house and went in through her window. I found Bella sleeping on the floor, her album spread in front of her. She must have thought that I was going to take away all evidence of my existence, like I had last time. I wouldn't do that to her again, maybe the memories will help her, so that she doesn't fall apart as she did when I had left before. I was going to have to check up on her every now and then, to make sure that doesn't happen. I would never forgive myself if I let her go through that much pain again.

I walked over to her and lifted her from the ground. I went to lay her on the bed, but my body was once again trying to fight against me. I knew that this was the last time I would cradle her in my arms. I held her for a moment, not wanting to let her go. "Edward… don't go… I'm sorry." She muttered. I barely refrained from breaking down again. I decided that I should go now. If I stayed there any longer I would convince myself to stay. I laid her down on her bed and softly kissed her forehead. I searched through her computer desk drawer for a piece of paper and a pencil.

_**Dear Bella,**_

_**Last night I watched you sleep. I shouldn't have watched you sleep, I'm sorry. But I guess old habits die hard. Don't worry, I won't do it again… I know you are no longer mine. Please try and live a happy life.**_

_**Yours, until the day I die,**_

_**Edward**_

Unwillingly, I made my way to her window. I took one last look at the room, and the one I loved. As I scanned the room, I found another book on the ground. I silently made my way over to it, and picked it up. The cover read _Diary._ I didn't know Bella kept a diary. I went to flip the book open, but stopped half-way. I couldn't read this. These were Bella's personal thoughts, and there was probably a lot about me in that book. I knew that I wouldn't be able to bear reading it. Even though I well aware I would regret reading it, I needed something to remember Bella. I flipped to a random page and tore it out. I folded the sheet of paper with messy scribbles on it, and slid it into my pocket. I put the diary back on the floor where it had been. I kissed Bella one more time, on her delicate, trembling lips. My lips trembled too. I took one last longing glance at the only person I'll ever love, and leaped out the window.

After I finished packing I finally spoke to my family. "Are you ready?" Carlisle asked me.

"I have one more thing I need to do."

"Can't we just go already?" Rosalie complained. Carlisle held a hand up to her, and then nodded at me in understanding. I left what would soon be my former house, and headed for a place that would bring more pain, and some much needed happiness. I was willing to suffer if it meant I could enjoy the suffering. I headed for our meadow.

**(A/N: okay, not my best chapter, I know. Sorry :-( I just want to thank all of my reviewers!!**

**Sonotlittlemissinnocent, sweetness-wild, lilvoice1, blissfulmemories, browneyedgurl, bears12, ****EdwardFangJasperEmmettIggysigh, bloodrose1918, twilightsnewmoon, entrustinglove, s2twilight, shmexybella, Kendra marie, reno's renegade, xxvampirexatxheartxx, xoedwardluver1918ox, vintagelyre, storiesneverending, Arabianangel, stupidlittlelamb, seductrice, Edward is a hottie, missc1310, Edwardsdemon, blood.tears.in.the.night, LVTH, 1stepbehind29. thank you all!! **

**Please review, I know this chapter was cruddy, but I love reviews soo much.) **


	8. CHAPTER 8!

**(Disclaimer – ME, own twilight or new moon? Im flattered, but no. stephenie meyer does)**

**(A/N: the next chapter. I know, finally. I tried to make this a little longer than usual because I haven't updated in so long and I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again – not until Monday at the earliest. Unless I by some magical way find the time. Maybe if I got a hundred reviews I would be so happy that I updated as fast as I could…)**

My eyes flickered to Jacobs and quickly flashed away. His eyes held more emotion than my numb mind and body could handle. His hazel-brown eyes were full of sadness, because he knew I would never love him the way he loved me. His beautiful eyes held the love he knew would never be returned. Yet, somewhere deep within the dark pools of his eyes, there was hope. Hope that one day I could love him, that one day I would be his to hold forever.

He turned onto his side so he was now facing me, and reached for my hand. I softly pulled my hand away, knowing where this conversation was going before it had begun. He reached for my hand again, and I nervously let him hold it.

"Listen, Bella." He began, his voice a pleading whisper. His eyes were trying to grab mine, but I wouldn't allow it. His eyes were nothing compared to Edward's, but when Jacob stared into my boring brown eyes, the sensation was something new and irresistible. It felt as if he could see straight into my soul. And with him seeing my true essence, it kept me honest and happy, and I couldn't help but to want his eyes to never leave mine.

"Bella," he whispered again, insisting that I allow him to gaze into my eyes – demanding entry to the core of my spirit. He sighed when I made no attempt to allow his earth-colored eyes into my vision. His sigh was low and somber, and I knew that I owed him a lot right now. Somehow, since the time when I had thanked him in the car, my debt to him had grown. The least I could do was permit him to look into my eyes.

I turned onto my side so that we were now both on our sides facing each other. His eyes were now slightly dancing at his small victory. I rolled my eyes and he chuckled lightly, dismissing the uncomfortable mood for a brief moment. But then I remembered how my hand was still in his.

He took in a deep breath, as to prepare himself for either the most glorious triumph or the most devastating loss. He looked straight into my eyes, and I could feel the butterflies going wild in my stomach. In reality, it was just my heart beat picking up, and I knew that he could hear it. It could also be assumed that even in the darkness he saw the blush that flooded my cheeks.

He let the breath go, and began. "I know you've been through a lot lately." Wow, really? I hadn't noticed. "And I'm really sorry about this whole thing. I feel terrible."

"Jake, don't feel bad about this, it's not your fault." My voice fell to a whisper. "It's mine." I hadn't assigned blame yet, but it wasn't Jacob's, so it had to be mine.

"No, Bella, please don't blame yourself –"

"Jacob, it's my fault." The room fell into an eerie silence as he didn't bother to continue blaming himself. It was my mistake, and I wasn't going to let him take responsibility for it.

"Maybe," he paused, seeming reluctant. He tried to run his hand through his hair, forgetting that it no longer had its beautiful length. "Maybe it's for the best."

My heart stopped in disbelief. How could he say that? He knows how much I love Edward, his whole family for that matter. How could he simply say that things were better this way? Because he loved me? Was he using my pain as a way to finally have me as his own?

I could feel my jaw drop slowly of its own free will. He looked slightly ashamed by my response. He didn't let the shock show for long.

"Bella, understand –" He tried to reason, but I was too angry to bother listening. I had to remind myself that Charlie was sleeping and to refrain from shouting.

"Why are you doing this? You know I can't deal with this right now! You know how I felt last time _he_ left!" My voice was venomous, but hushed. The words poured quickly and sharply from my mouth. Jacob was supposed to be a _friend_. And I knew that if he tried to turn our friendship into anything more, it would end terribly.

"That's exactly why I'm doing this! Bella, don't you see how much I love you? I could never leave you, like he did, _again._"

"But it wasn't his fault." I whispered, more to myself than to Jacob. I had pulled my eyes away from his, and I was staring at our still intertwined fingers. Although I knew that I would never feel for Jacob what I felt for Edward, I couldn't bring myself to take my hand from his.

Jacob took his free hand and lifted my chin softly with a finger. "Bella." I tried to pull my eyes away from his penetrating stare. He took his hand and lifted my face to catch my eyes again. "I love you."

He took his hand from my chin, and began delicately tracing the features of my face. I shivered at his touch, though his hand was warm and soft.

I parted my lips slightly, to tell him – I'm not sure what I was going to tell him. To stop, and to leave me alone forever? No, I could never tell him that. I needed Jacob, his warmth and contagious happiness. I wanted him as a friend, my best friend – but nothing more. I knew I couldn't honestly tell him I loved him – not in the way he wanted me to love him. So I opened my mouth, and said nothing, at a complete and utter loss of words.

He brought a finger to my lips, and pressed it to my parted lips in a silencing manner. "Bella, don't you feel anything for me? Anything at all?"

I felt those butterflies in my stomach again. They were fluttering around in confusion, which wasn't helping me much. "I-I" I stuttered stupidly.

"Don't you love me?" his voice shook with hurt.

"Jake, of course I love you." His eyes shone in doubt, yet glimmered with glee at my words. "But not the way you love me. Not the way that I love…" I wasn't able to breathe his name. "I just don't feel the same way Jacob."

He turned from his side to his back, staring straight up at the low ceiling. "Then why did you kiss me today?" He tried to make his voice curious, but I heard each word ringing with sorrow.

"I was upset with him, Jacob." I said softly. "I'm so sorry. I know what I did was terrible – not just to him, but to you too. I'm sorry."

"So am I." he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. I sighed loudly. Things couldn't get much more complicated. My stress had just shifted from becoming a vampire and fighting away a crazy vampire bent on revenge; to trying to win back the love of my life, while my best friend considered me the love of his life, and I still had to worry about the crazy vampire. Complicated didn't even begin to cover.

Wait, crazy vampire – Victoria. I still had to worry about Victoria. I realized that I had no way to protect myself. The only reason I was here right now was because Jacob had come to my rescue. Maybe I should stay here, let Victoria come and find me. She would turn me, or if I was lucky, kill me. No. I pushed the thought out of my head as I remembered the two notes that Edward had left me. He asked me to stay safe, and I would, for him. I owed him that much.

But how could I prevent Victoria from getting me? I'm just a helpless human, and now I no longer have the protection of my vampire family. I'm alone, I realized. While getting close to Edward and his family, I pushed everyone else away. I didn't have a single friend outside the Cullen clan, and now they were gone, and I'm alone.

Something shifted beside me and I glanced over at Jacob. I had forgotten he was there. Jacob had saved me tonight, but could he save me over and over again every night? Could he and the pack just wait outside my house every night, watching, making sure that I was safe? No, I couldn't ask him to do that. I can't tear his heart out and then ask him to baby sit me. Like I said, I'm alone.

I started to cry. I turned away from Jacob, ashamed of the tears. I felt him turn and come close to me. His heat seeped through the blankets. He comforted me without speaking a single word. He cautiously snaked an arm around me, slowly – as if he was waiting for me to remove his arm in fury.

"Bella, what's wrong?" He asked. He slid his arm back from around me so that his hand was free to rub soothing circles on my back.

"Everything." I sobbed.

"Shh. It will be okay."

"How can it be okay?" Speaking took some time. I could only manage words between my sobs and gasps for breath. "I-I'm alone an-and I can't even pr-protect myself" I stuttered.

He rocked me slightly. "Bella, you're not alone. I'm right here. And I can protect you."

"No." I let out a small cry. "You won't be here for me forever – not while I-I'm like this. You'll get sick uh-of me."

"Bella, I could never get sick of you." He cooed gently.

I sobbed louder. "How can you stay with me? You deserve someone who, who can lo-love you, the way you love them." He rocked me some more. "And you ca-can't protect me forever. You can't wait outside my house every night. One night, she'll creep through my win-window, and you won't be here to save me!"

"Bella, calm down." I heard him take a sharp intake of breath, like he was about to say something, but he didn't. I turned over, forgetting the fact that my eyes were probably puffy and red.

"What? What were you going to say?" He turned to lay back on his back, so that he could stare at my ceiling again.

"It was nothing." He muttered, the lie easy to detect.

I stared at him, no, I glared. I waited for his eyes to catch my defiant stare, and when he did he sighed heavily.

"I…" he paused, unsure if he should tell me. The look on my face prodded him to continue. "There is a way…."

My eye brows knitted in confusion. "A way to what?" I asked him, my voice slightly louder than it should be."

"A way for you to be safe." His eyes darted to the window, the farthest possibly place from my curious gaze. "And for you to never be alone."

I didn't urge him to continue as eagerly now. I wanted to try and figure this one out on my own. What was he thinking? Lock me up in a mental institution? Send me to Jacksonville? No, Jacob wouldn't send me into a crazy shelter and he knew how much I detested the idea of going to Jacksonville with Renee and Phil.

I gave up. "Where?"

He brought his eyes back to mine. "With me."

I could practically feel my eyes bulging out of my head. "_What?_" I yelped.

"You could move in with me." He said, somehow in a calm manner.

I'm glad I was lying down, because I began to feel light headed. Jacob Black just asked me to move in with him. I'm only eighteen! And didn't I just explain that I didn't feel that way about him?!

"Jake – I –uh, erm." Well that was coherent, I ridiculed myself. But I honestly had no idea what to say.

"Bella, calm down. I didn't mean it like _that._" He rolled his eyes childishly – like whatever he was thinking was blatantly obvious. "Just as friends."

I looked into his eyes, and past the love and pain, I saw truth. I saw a promise in his eyes, that he wouldn't push me and that he would try to accept our friendship.

But moving in? What would Charlie say? And Billy? Surely they wouldn't be to fond about having an eighteen year old girl moving in with a sixteen-year-old, hormonal, clearly head-over-heels in love boy. Well, it wouldn't be like we would be living alone or anything. Billy is usually home, unless he's fishing with my dad. But where would I stay? Their house was barely big enough to hold the two of them. Where would I live? And what if Jacob tried to make a move on me? What if this was all some big plot to get close to me?

My mind continued to come up with countless reasons as to why I shouldn't move in with Jake. But there were two reasons that stood above all others, saying that I should. Jacob was right, I wouldn't be alone, and I would be safe.

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Aren't I always?" He smiled wide, sensing that I was going to give in. I scoffed at him – Jacob was such a goofball, almost never serious. But I found myself lost in his eyes again, and they had never been more serious. I sighed, not knowing what I was getting into.

"I suppose –" Jacob cut me off before I had barely begun. He rolled over to face me and scooted closer anxiously.

"Bella, this is going to be great! We can hang out all the time. And-"

I held up my hands, signaling him to stop. I'm sure my face showed that his outburst had slightly frightened me. "Whoa, Jacob, calm down."

"Oh, err, sorry." He said, moving back to give me some space.

"Thanks."

"So, when will you move in?" he asked, trying his hardest to tone down his enthusiasm.

"Well, we still have to talk to our parents…"

"Oh, Billy won't mind."

"But Charlie might."

"Oh." He said, and he almost looked afraid. It's not like Jake's my boyfriend or anything, but Charlie is a dad, and when your daughter decides to move in with a boy, that boy is in for a world of trouble.

Charlie. How would he take care of himself if I wasn't here? He can't cook _at all_. He'd probably just eat pizza every night, and get more unhealthy. What if he had a heart attack like Harry? No one would be here to call the hospital or… Those worries became insignificant as I remembered the malicious red haired vampire that was hungry for her revenge – on me. She could show up here at any time, and decide to settle the score with my father. I can't let that happen.

"Jake, what about Charlie? What if Vic-"

"Bella, don't worry about it. I'm sure the pack wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him. And we're going to get Victoria." He sneered her name. "Soon." his voice was dangerous and threatening. I fought back a wince.

I decided to lighten the topic. "Where will I stay?" I said, trying not to sound like I was making fun of his box sized house.

He frowned slightly, and then a smile replaced it. "Well, my sisters room is open. It still has all of her stuff in it, but I'm sure she won't mind if you used it."

I smiled, relieved that I wouldn't be sleeping on a couch. I yawned tiredly and Jacob's smile widened. "Sleepy-head." He kissed my forehead lightly, and my skin tingled at the touch despite myself.

"I'll see you in the morning, go to sleep." He cooed. I obeyed his command, exhausted from the last two days events. My dreams were very… different.

**(A/N: the next chapter will tell what the dream was – and it should be very weird – and possibly very funny. okay, so bella is moving in with jake. Will there relationship grow? The spark officially becoming a fire? WHO WANTS TO KNOW!! WELL THEN REVIEW!! Please? You have no idea how happy I would be to reach 100 reviews ;p)**


	9. you and me

**(Sorry, but not a chapter. I was at my cousins house and I randomly wrote a poem, and thought I might as well post it – but I didn't want to post an entirely new thing so I'm just posting it under Undecided. I really would like to know what you guys think. Poems don't seem to get a lot of reviews, which is super-sad ;-( )**

May the sun come and rise today,

But only for you and me.

Let twilight stay with us forever,

While dawn consumes the outside world.

For you are my world, dear.

You're my sun,

And may you never fade to night.

And if the night were to fall,

I know that you would be each star,

Twinkling with our timeless love.

**(please review!!!!!!!! I wrote a poem and posted it not to long ago, but no one seemed to like it so I deleted it. I would really like to know if I should just give up poetry for good)**

**(disclaimer – not really sure if I need a disclaimer for this or not. Better safe than sorry. I don't own twilight or new moon – stephenie meyer does.)**


	10. An oddly familiar plot

**(A/N: okay, here is Chapter Nine. I know I said that the dream would be weird or funny, but I decided that I would rather have the dream be foreshadowing. Please review. I'm almost at 100! And plus, how much could it hurt to take 20 seconds to review a story to let the author know if you thought it was good or bad? PLEASE REVIEW. I just made a fresh batch of imaginary cookies…)**

**(Disclaimer – Wow, look at this shiny iPod I own. Wow look at those amazing books Twilight and New Moon that Stephenie Meyer owns. Get the picture?)**

Chapter 9

"An Oddly Familiar Plot"

dream

_There I was, in our meadow. The gentle breeze sent shivers down my spine and ruffled the over grown grass. The swaying grass lightly tickled my skin. I looked towards the sky, at the astoundingly cloudless sky; at the bright shining sun. The warmth seeping through my clothes making me feel at home. _

_I turned, so I could look at the only thing that could make me enjoy this moment more. I expectantly shifted my eyes to where Edward would be – this was __**our**__ meadow after all, I wouldn't come here without him._

_But as I began to turn my body I took in my surroundings. The meadow was bright with the sunlight, but nothing more. There was no extra shimmer indicating that my glimmering loved one was by my side. As I completed my shift in positions my observations proved right – Edward wasn't there. What was worse was __**someone else**__ was laying there beside me. He wore a wide smile, and to make matters worse, I smiled back – lovingly. I was here in __**our**__ sacred place, with someone else – that I loved._

end dream

I awoke with a start instead of with tired grogginess. I heard someone chuckle beside me, but my mind was too befuddled to figure it out. I turned – just like I had in the meadow – and found Jacob was lying beside me, chuckling lightly in a beautiful manner.

"Wah sue fuh-ni?"**(what's so funny?)** I asked, not realizing how distorted and jumbled my words were.

He let out a little bit of laughter, but it was slightly hushed – he probably thinks that Charlie is still home. He brought up one of his long fingers and pressed it to my nose. "You." He said simply.

I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow so he couldn't see how much he was blushing.

He rolled over too, so he was by my side lying on his stomach. He placed one of his warm arms over my back and I let out a relaxed breath. I felt him cuddle close to me and kiss the back of my head.

We laid there for a while, breathing in sync. It was odd, having someone else lay next to me in my bed. Someone who was warm, and actually needed to breath. Someone with a heartbeat. I'm not sure if I would enjoy these differences or if I would miss the characteristics of my angel.

I drifted in an out of sleep for what may have been hours or minutes, Jacob's heat like a sleep-inducing drug. At some point, I felt Jacob's body sit up and get off the bed.

"What's wrong? Where are you going?"

"It's the pack. They say that _Victoria_" he sneered the word "she killed someone. I need to go."

"Okay." I said softly, trying to hide the fear from leaking into my response. Jacob walked over to me and sat at the edge of the bed, and held my hands in his.

"You'll be safe. I promise. If we have any reason to believe that she is coming here we'll be here as fast as we can." I nodded slowly and he bent down to lightly press his lips to my forehead. "When I come back we can talk to Charlie." I nodded again, knowing that he meant we needed to discuss my… living arrangements.

Jacob made his way over to my window and I chuckled. "What?" He said, turning around.

"You can use the door, silly." I said with a mocking smile. I rolled my eyes jokingly.

"Oh, right." He said, embarrassed. I could almost see the redness coming to his skin, but the russet tone of his skin hid most of it. I was jealous.

I followed Jacob out of my room, down the stairs and to the door.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." Jacob said, with a promising tone ringing in his voice.

"Okay, be safe." I masked my fear. The last thing Jacob needed to do right now was worry about me.

He smiled down at me, and I forced a smile back. "I will." And he turned and left, running towards the woods.

I closed the door and headed into the kitchen, making a simple bowl of cereal that I carried into the living room. I grabbed the remote controller, and found nothing of my interest was on. I settled for an old cartoon. Childish, but calming in a humorous manner.

I finished my cereal and washed the dish, and decided to continue watching the television. I plopped down on the couch, spreading a throw-blanket over my body. I pulled one of the small square pillows under my head and fell to sleep yet again.

My dreams were frightening. Victoria's face flashed violently in my mind while Edward's faded away. It got me thinking. If the sadistic vampire didn't kill me, then the loss of my angel would.

I woke up not long after Jacob returned. He looked frustrated.

"What's wrong?" He was sitting in the chair in an exhausted manner. He closed his eyes tight like he had a headache.

"Jake?" I asked, concerned.

"More," was all he said. I took a second to try and understand what he meant, but found that that one word alone didn't make sense.

"What?" I asked, letting confusion take over my features. He opened his beautiful hazel-brown eyes and looked at me fiercely.

"More. There's more." My puzzled features changed to horrified so fast I thought my face would fall off. Understanding dawned on me. More. There were more vampires helping Victoria.

As if on cue, Charlie walked through the door. With this new information I was more than eager to stay with Jacob. Charlie wasn't the most attentive person in the world, and without him here Victoria and her new recruits had easy access to me. I was still worried that without me here, Victoria might take it upon herself to take her retribution on my father. But Jacob promised to keep both Charlie and me safe, and right now, he was the only person I could trust.

"Hey Bells." Charlie muttered, taking off his jacket and boots.

"Hey dad." I called, then remembered Jacob was sitting here with me. "Jake's over."

"I can see that." I turned and saw that my dad was standing at the entrance of the living room. I figured the sooner the better.

"Dad, we need to talk about something." I said, looking over at Jacob who looked as nervous as I felt.

Xxxx

It appears Charlie has less trust in me than I've been lead to believe. I didn't think it would be **easy** to convince him to allow me to stay with Jacob, but the last time Charlie had been so against any of my decisions was when I told him that I was staying with _him._

Charlie didn't plan on letting me move out anytime soon, especially not with a sixteen year old teenage boy who had taken a liking towards me. And when I looked at it from those terms, I could see where Charlie was coming from. But Jacob and I weren't together, and we made that a point. Just when I thought he was going to give in, he asked the worst possible thing.

"What about Edward? Won't he mind?"

I'm not sure what happened first – my heart sinking, or stopping altogether. Maybe it didn't sink or stop, maybe it was torn out and ripped to shreds. Either way, I felt that my heart was no longer in place and stopped beating. I pulled in a jagged breath that I hoped Charlie wouldn't notice, regaining some composure and helping my heart back to health.

No one knew that the Cullen's had left yet. They were discrete about leaving, and no one saw them around much in the first place, so I was one of the few that new of their departure from Forks. What should I tell Charlie? That they left again? Should I tell him that I broke up with Edward? Whatever I decided upon, Charlie's parental senses would kick in, and he would be anticipating my zombie-state. Would that convince him to let me go stay with Jacob? He knew how much Jacob helped me when Edward left the first time. Maybe if I told him Edward left again, he would allow me to stay with Jacob. Plus, it would be easier than lying to him.

"Edward's gone." I said, trying to hide the pain that was on the verge of shattering me into tiny pieces of pain. The sound of his name coming from me set the ruins of my soul on fire.

I saw the worry that flashed through Charlie's eyes. Then anger, and it was more than obvious that it was directed towards Edward. If only Charlie knew that this was all my fault, and that Edward didn't deserve any blame.

"Where is he?" he asked, his tone reassuring my assumption that he was planning on hunting him down.

"I don't know." My voice came as a whisper of hurt and uncertainty. I realized now that if I had one wish, it wouldn't be to have Edward back, it would be that I knew where he was – so that I could find him, and beg him to forgive me. I didn't want just to have him back, I wanted to win him back. I wanted to show him how sorry I was and prove that I loved him. I would travel around the world to find him and do anything it took to be with him again.

"Well," the word lingered as Charlie thought through something. "I'm not sure about this whole staying with Jacob thing, but maybe Renee-"

"Dad, no. I don't want to leave Forks, I like it here."

"I know honey, but it might be best if you-" I cut him off again.

"I think I know what's best for me." That was a lie. "And it's staying here in Forks. With Jacob." I spoke in an assertive tone, my face showed that I wasn't planning on giving in.

Charlie sighed, and eyed both Jacob and me, the suspicion clear in his eyes. But there was a glimmer of defeat, and I knew that with a little more of my persistence he would give in.

"Dad, I'm eighteen. You need to let me grow up. And it's not like I'm moving far away. Just down to La Push, it's only a short drive away if you ever need me. Plus, with all the murders in Forks, I don't feel safe being home alone all the time. At Jake's there would always be Billy or Jacob. I really think that this is something I need to do." I said my words with love and reassurance, and he looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I guess you're right. I can't protect you forever. And I get nervous too, leaving you here all alone." He refused to make eye contact. "Billy okay with this?" he asked Jacob, but not really looking at him at all.

"Yeah, he said he would enjoy having Bella stay with us." He said, smiling slightly, trying to comfort Charlie about the situation.

"Where's she going to stay?"

"I'm staying in his sister's room. All of her stuff is still in there but her bureau's are empty so I can just put my clothes in there." I answered, and he looked at me, but still wouldn't meet my eyes.

He sighed, his head shaking slightly in disbelief that he was losing his little girl. "When are you going?"

I got up from my seat and walked over to him, hugging him while I spoke. "Dad, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just moving a little farther away. You can visit whenever you want, and I'll come and cook you dinner a couple of times a week. Can't have you eating the way you used again." I gave him one more squeeze with my arms. "I'll move in there in two days, so I have time to pack." I gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Alright Bells, if this is what you want."

"It is. But I still love you dad."

"Love you too Bella." Charlie's stomach growled lowly, and I chuckled.

"Why don't you order some pizza dad?" He nodded his head and walked to the phone. I started walking towards the stairs and Jacob got up and followed me. I walked into my room, opening the door for Jacob and closing it once he was inside.

He walked past my bed, and I thought he might be trying to leave through the window again. But he turned before he reached the window and sat down in the rocking chair in the corner.

My breath caught as I thought back to all the times Edward had sat in that chair – usually with me on his lap. A single tear rolled down my face as I thought to all the memories that we had together. All of them now meaningless, because I was stupid and now he is gone.

I realized that I had lied to myself about why I was actually moving in with Jacob. Sure, moving in with him would be a lot safer than staying here by myself, but as I saw Jacob sitting in the rocking chair – _his_ rocking chair – I knew that safety wasn't my only inspiration to move in with Jacob.

The memories that rested in this house were unbearable. I would never be able to look at that chair the same way. Whenever I would go to open the window I would think about how Edward used to sneak in. And trying to sleep would be intolerable and excruciating in every possible way. I don't know how I would fall asleep in that bed without _him_ by my side, watching me sleep. And my every nightmare would be intensified in his absence. There was no way I could stay here, not when my every action reminded me of him.

But that wasn't all. I had practically lived with Jacob and Billy the last time Edward had left. I knew that deep down, somewhere where my last hopes were clinging to Edward, I believed that this was some stupid dream, that was dancing along the story line of the last time Edward and I had parted. Edward leaves – check. I spend all my time with Jacob – a working progress. But as soon as that 'working progress' became a check, the next part of the plot of this reenactment would be: Edward and I are back together. So I was going to follow this oddly familiar plot, and hope that this terrible nightmare would end with Edward and I together.

if you didn't understand that whole "check" and "working progress" thing, think back to when Edward left the first time. She's making a list of all of the major events of the first time he left, and making a check list of them. The first thing that happened was that Edward left – check. The next thing Bella did (skipping the whole zombie-state thing) was spend all of her time with Jacob – working progress (that's why she's moving in). She believes that if she plays this out exactly how it was the first time, than Edward has to come back, because that's how it worked out last time.

**(A/N: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! DO YOU WANT TO GET IMAGINARY FRESH BAKED COOKIES OR WHAT??!! IF YOU DON'T LIKE COOKIES THEN, UMM… sorry?)**

**P.S. 100****th**** REVIEWER WILL GET TO VIEW MY NEXT CHAPTER BEFORE ANYONE ELSE! (I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter finished, but I promise to let the 100****th**** reviewer see it at least one day before I post it! (well, if the 100****th**** reviewer wants to, that is)**


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